auto incorrect

i think i've got a pretty decent handle on the english language.  i'm certainly not an expert, but i do enjoy grammar and knock out some okay writing without much effort.  spelling has never been an issue for me either.  i proofread my work, enjoy learning new vocab, and try to be sure that i don't use too many commas (but boy am i hooked on parenthesis).

you know what really bugs me?  auto correct.  i mean, has microsoft word already lost faith in my knowledge and spelling skills before giving me a fair shake?  they don't even know me.  when i choose a word, odds are that i am actually intending to use that particular word and don't need the automated advice.  where's the trust?  gimme a chance, baby.

when i'm typing up the names of jazz performers, their identities fall into one of three categories.  some pose no difficulties for autocorrect (jim black, chris cheek, evan parker).  others are inexplicably already in the autocorrect data base (branford marsalis, susie ibarra, mal waldron), and select others stymie autocorrect altogether (ambrose akinmusire, john zorn, kurt rosenwinkel).  

here are some of the more entertaining suggestions for jazz guys, with ironically appropriate definitions provided by my friends over at the new oxford american dictionary (we're not really friends mind you, but nothing builds street cred like running with a pack of lexicographers).

* charlie haden - harden - make or become more clearly defined
* stan getz - guts  - personal courage and determination
* marc ducret - dulcet - sweet and soothing
* sam yahel - yahoo - expressing great joy or excitement
* uri caine - coin - to invent or devise a new word or phrase
* jaki byard - juke - move in a zigzag fashion
* jack dejohnette - detonate - explode
* john scofield - coiled - twist into an arrangement
* paolo fresu - frisk - a playful skip or leap
* albert ayler - alert - intellectually active, vigilant
* bobby previte - private - free from people who can interrupt
* marc ribot - robot - a machine capable of carrying out a complex series of actions automatically
* ornette coleman - ornate - unusual words and complex constructions

funny footnote.   i once attempted to type musician into an email and it took me four times before stubborn autocorrect would finally take it, only after recommending magician, marijuana, and minivan.

okay - i just read a bunch of autocorrect text conversations online, and haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.
this one is good.  so is this one.  and this one too.